Memoirs of the Life, Time, and Writings
of the Reverend and Learned
Thomas Boston, M.A.

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This notable alteration was the more remarkable, that it came on when I was now going in the forty-ninth year of my age, the seventh septenary: and here I reckon the groaning part of my life, more plainly pointing to my dissolution, to have begun. And whatever groanings I had, in the former part of my life, been witness to by day or by night, it has, in the depth of sovereign wisdom, for my greater trial, been from the preceding April 1724, unto this day, my lot, to be solitary in my closet by night, as well as by day: but good is the will of the Lord; He has done all things well.

The summer thus spent as aforesaid, a weary season to me, at best, as an idle time; being engaged in a course of drinking Moffat-well water, at home, for the gravel, I did, on the last day of August, put pen to paper again, in the beloved work aforesaid on the Hebrew text; not knowing whether I would be able to sit close any more at it or not. But it is but little I have had access to do in it since; however, I desire to be thankful, that I have got the essay on the accentuation done: how the Lord may dispose of me after, I know not; but I desire to be resigned.

Now as the winter came on, my teeth began to be loosened, much pain in them going before; and that season I lost three, whereof two were fore-teeth; which marred my pronunciation in some measure. Nevertheless I was helped closely to ply the work aforesaid: and my plan therein was carried to its height, with exceeding great labour: and when at any time I happened to go to bed, with some difficulty entered into, but not got through, the intenseness of the mind upon it bereaved me of some sleep, which I think did harm.

In the time of our distress in the summer, watchful and kind Providence favoured me with a visit from Mr. J. G., a minister of the Church of Scotland, whom I had but little acquaintance of before: A man well seen in the doctrine of free grace, and to a pitch kind, and disposed to be useful, whereof I have since had signal proof. At that time I shewed him, that I could get nobody to judge of the essay made on the Hebrew accentuation, the performance being upon such an out-of-the-way subject; and that I had some view to Professor Simpson for that end. And he having minded this, and taken occasion in his own country to inform himself, did afterwards write me a letter, giving me notice of Mr. George Gordon, professor of the Oriental languages in the King's College, Aberdeen, as the fittest in our island to judge in such matters. Mr. Wodrow was his informer, being a man of the most extensive correspondence. I had no acquaintance with Mr. Gordon, nor did I know his character, but by my correspondent's letter. I knew not till afterwards that I had it from himself, that he was that Gordon whom Mr. Cross mentions in his preface to the Taghmical Art. But without more ado, I quickly addressed myself to him, by a letter of the 4th December, committing the matter to the Lord.

Meanwhile, after closing my sermons on the covenant of grace, I had pursued my former subject of Christian morality, in the general, from John 15: 14, "Ye are My friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you;" and Eccles. 9: 10, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it," etc. Then I entered on some particulars, viz. against profane swearing, sinful anger, revenge; and pressed the love of our enemies; the which subjects were ended 27th December.

On the 17th of January 1725, I received a letter from Mr. George Gordon aforesaid, large and friendly, quite beyond anything I could have expected, shewing all readiness to peruse the essay, when it could conveniently be put in his hand. This step of Providence was great in my eyes, looking like a dawning of light, in a case right hopeless, even as to the getting anybody's judgement upon it, that I could rely on, for which my attempts hitherto had been baffled. The date of the letter, being 1st January, was most sweet, when I called to mind, that that very day having spent some time in solemn prayer (as usual on the occasion of the new year), my letter's finding favour with that man, had been much on my heart before the Lord. Whatever be the issue, it is a great mercy to me, to have hope of getting it put in one's hand capable to judge of it.

After carrying on the work aforesaid, through the first twenty chapters of Genesis, I found it necessary to stop; and that in consideration of my frailty, and that the notes were written in short-hand characters, and therefore useless to any but myself. And after seeking the Lord, I began, on the 9th of February, to write all over in mundo, in long hand, desiring to believe that He will give power to the faint, and to them that have no might, He will increase strength.

The notes on the Marrow had now for some time been in a friend's hand at Edinburgh. And in the latter end of that month, there was a proposal made me, for publishing the Marrow with them. Mr. William Wardrobe apothecary there, above mentioned, was the chief undertaker in this. Hereupon I revised the notes again: and having spent some time in prayer for light in that matter, 6th April, and again on the 13th, laid it before the Lord, I was cleared, and determined to give up the copy of the Marrow, as corrected and new-modelled by me, together with the notes thereon, into his hand, to do therein as he should find himself conducted by Providence; and this in consideration that matters are still growing worse in this generation, and the declining is on the increase; for the sake of truth, and of the present and rising generation.

In this month of April, began my wife's entire barring from public ordinances, which lasteth unto this day.

About the middle of May, my son Thomas, who had got about two years' domestic teaching in the Latin tongue, especially by my own and my other son's means, was sent to the grammar-school at Hawick.

Now, after insisting for some time this year on the hiding of the Lord's face, Ps. 30: 7, I entered on "the Son of Man's coming to seek and save the lost," Luke 19: 10, and dwelt thereon till the sermons preparatory for the sacrament of the supper. It was administered 6th June, not without apprehensions, that it might be the last I should have occasion to administer. By that time I had carried on the work foresaid to Gen. 3: 22, I entered on it, and proceeded therein, with a view of death at my back; and was much eased in my mind, when I had brought it that length; judging that the church of God might thereby discern what it was I aimed at, in case I should never have had access to have carried it on further.

Meanwhile great were my trials about this communion. My wife seemed to be in a dying condition for about two weeks before: on the Tuesday immediately before the communion, the surgeon told me, he thought she could not now last long. The want of my teeth made speaking difficult; and I had less strength to speak with, than some time before: and the remaining teeth were become blackish. But the Lord pitied, amidst these and other trying incidents.

Mr. Gordon aforesaid coming to Edinburgh to the summer-session, the essay on the accentuation was, according to our concert, put into his hand about this time.

I preached the action-sermon on the "bruising of the serpent's head," Gen. 3: 15. On the Monday I studied my sermons for the fast on the Wednesday, and that day preached twice in the forenoon; but I had help in the afternoon, though not much to my comfort. I began my studies of the action-sermon on Thursday afternoon, but they went not well with me. I began therefore over again on Friday; but being out of order, through want of sleep, I was forced to give it over, after I had done about the one half. So on Saturday morning I had the other half to study: and, for ought I remember, this was new; being always, one way or other, more timeously provided. I had resolved to preach but about an hour; but the watch for the time proved useless to me: so I preached about an hour and a half in much weakness, and was at length exhausted. I quite forgot to pray after sermon; and never had the least thought of it, till returning into the tent after the first table, I reflected on it: and this did much confound me. The most sensible breathings of the Spirit that I had that day, were in the prayer of consecration, and the giving of thanks after the action; in both which addresses to the throne, the Lord was so with my spirit, that bodily strength was afforded me too. My wife was carried through and preserved, but still in great distress. The weather was louring, yet we had very little disturbance by it. But on Monday, at the dismissing of the congregation, rain came on; and in a little after, there was a violent storm of wind and rain, falling on the Lord's people going to their own homes; of whom many having come from afar, behoved to lodge all night somewhere by the way. It continued that afternoon, and most of the Tuesday. Mr. Wilson suggested to me, that the bruised serpent was raging, and we were in concern for the preservation of the Lord's people by the way. I saw it then, on his suggesting it; and was thereby presently determined in my own mind to continue on that text; which accordingly I did insist on till 12th September. I know the serpent had more ends to serve by that disturbance in the air, than that one of molesting the Lord's people in their way home: it raised the affliction also of a particular person to a height. On the Friday after, I was comforted by a letter I received, showing, that from several it was understood to have been a time of the Lord's presence in a remarkable manner; that it was no wonder the bruised serpent raged; particularly as to one, that it was one of the best days they had ever seen on earth. I have got a lesson to beware of fretting at long prayers by others; it was for that I was checked, by my forgetting to pray at all: and thereby also I have seen the need of dependence on the Lord, in the most ordinary things wherein one would think one can hardly mistake. The business of the journey to Penpont, and this stormy weather aforesaid, with other incidents, incline me to think, that I have but too little noticed Satan's activity in such matters. But glory to Jehovah, who comforteth us in all our tribulations: I have been perplexed, but not in despair.

Mr. Gordon returning to Edinburgh unto the winter-session, and having read the essay on the accentuation, desired an interview. Whereupon I made a stretch, and went thither on the 23rd of November. I was very apprehensive, that I would meet with discouragement from him. Tarrying there about eight days, I had in that time several meetings with him; and we went through his remarks on the essay. He not having given his judgement on the thing in gross, nor like to do it at all, I, ere we should part, was obliged to put on a brow, and downright to ask his judgement of the performance, as to the main. To which he answered, That as to the main we were agreed. I asked him again, Whether he could have freedom to give it his public approbation? and he replied, He not only had freedom to do it, but thought it his duty to do it. Hereupon I was swallowed up in joy and comfort, that the Lord had so far pitied and comforted me. But in that time, and after, I found the borrower to be servant to the lender.

At the same time, my Lord Grange, of his own accord, offered me encouragement in it; and told me, that Mr. Gordon said to him about it, that it looked almost as if it had been done by inspiration. But meeting all three together in his lodging, by appointment, they both agreed, that the essay, or at least an abstract thereof, behoved yet to be done in Latin; and offered nothing for publishing it in English. Their reasons were, that it could not be done in Scotland, nor yet in Holland, correctly, unless it was in Latin; that the thing being so little known in this island, it could not be thought to find buyers in it, being published in English. This new work laid upon me, now when my strength was exhausted, was an occasion of heavy thoughts to me: so after my lifting up, I was cast down again. Thus the weight of apprehended discouragement from Mr. Gordon, which I took from home with me, lay on me all the time I was in town, till the day or so before I came away, that I interrogated him as aforesaid, that it was lightened; and then the weight returned again while I was thinking to return home, and the matter began to move slow again. Nighting at Cardrona, on my way home, on the morrow there was a great storm of snow driving; and I was importuned to stay. I went to the Lord as my Father, for His pity; and had confidence in Him, that He who knew how unable I was to stand before the cold, and what need there was for me to be at home, would pity. So we came away, and still the snow crave on: but by the time ere entered in among the hills, it ceased; so that I never in my life rode that way with greater ease. Howbeit, when we were come over all the hills, and were within two miles of home, it began to drive on again so vehemently, that we could hardly get looked up to discern our way. This was most acceptable and pleasant to me, as an emblem of my lot, viz., difficulties ventured on at the Lord's call, which I know not how to get through; carried through, meanwhile, in the greatest difficulties; and then the clouds returning again after the rain. When I came home, I found J. A.'s child, whom he had got baptised by a curate brought in by him to this parish, had died while I was from home, and was buried that same day, a little before my arrival.

Now for the remaining part of that year, to 12th December, I did, for my ordinary, handle the subject of forsaking the fountain of living waters, and hewing out broken cisterns, etc., from Jer. 2: 13.2

The parish of Selkirk having now for some time been vacant, through the death of Mr. Macghie; and my wife's case allowing my going abroad in the winter, rather than the summer, I went thither, and preached 2nd January 1726. On the morrow after, I visited a sick person without the town; and from thence came to Faldhop in my way home, and visited another; but was taken ill there of a fit of the gravel. Mounting my horse, I rode from thence in great agony to Newhouse, in a cold frosty day: reaching which place with great difficulty, I just fell down; but getting into a bed a while, I recovered some ease. Wherefore I mounted again: but by the way it seized me anew, and in great distress I came into Upper Delorain. There I staid all night, and turned easy again. On the morrow coming homeward, it again seized me, that I was obliged to go to Calcrabank; where recovering after a while, I came home, and it went off. This I reckon to have been owing to the unclearness of the drink I had got in my quarters at Selkirk: the which since that time has made me more cautious; drinking no ale while new, or very old, or muddy. A considerable time after this being at Midgehop, where was a little wench from Newhouse, who had said to them, that at such a time, viz. the foresaid, I came in there drunk; Jane Hope, a well-disposed person, wounded me to the heart, telling me, most simply and imprudently, before not only the wench, as I remember, but another woman whom I was not yet well acquainted with, that the foresaid had said so. Thus was I most unjustly and cruelly wounded, in that place where I had often comforted, and been comforted: but this happened not indeed in the family most comfortable to me. But O! what need of that charity that "thinketh no evil;" and of due caution as to the case and actions of others, not to judge rashly! It is dangerous, as my experience in that matter has taught me. I had, some years before that time, encountered, in Newhouse, with a good man, whom I knew not: him being paralytic in the tongue, and newly come home from a fair, I took to be drunk, so that I could not endure to converse with him, till Walter Bryden, then tenant there, cured me of my misapprehension about the honest man. So He is a jealous God, with whom we have to do. But I cannot but admire the wisdom of that kind Providence, which, after I had complained in that house to the master of it, touching the misrepresentation that had been made of my illness in it, as above said, brought him to my house; where being just to sit down to meat with him, I was seized with another fit of the gravel, and obliged to retire, and groan under it, leaving him and the table. I reckon myself debtor to my God for this beautifully-timed fit, which served to confirm, that I had been injured in the matter of the former.

On 26th March, I finished the work on the first twenty chapters of Genesis. That winter my frailty was great, being quite unable to bear the cold, the blood and spirits deserting my fingers: so that the parish was but once examined for that year, and that after the vernal equinox, save one diet only in the beginning of the winter, and I had several thoughts, that there would be a necessity of my demitting, as unable for the charge. Having read Dr. Cheyne's book on health, I had set myself to regulate my manner of living accordingly, for the cure of the scurvy: so I ate very sparingly at dinner, and took no supper. This course I used, I think, more than a year about this time; going to bed withal about nine, and rising early about four or five; making the time of dinner late in the afternoon, and thereafter doing nothing, until I went to bed again. Thus my work indeed went on, but my body was brought to that low pass. And whereas my head has now shaken, for several years, paralytically; the first time I observed that shaking thereof, was on the Saturday's afternoons, when I shaved myself, in the time I was employed in writing the said manuscript. Afterwards I returned again to my ordinary way of living; seldom succeeding in my projects for health by art, whether with or without the physician's advice.

About this time began my wife‘s constant confinement to her bed: for whereas formerly she was wont to have some respite in the winter, so as to rise out of her bed, in that season of the year, she has, since the month of March 1726, lain constantly, all the year over, in winter as well as summer, unto this day.

25th April, Monday. - From that 25th of March aforesaid, I have been endeavouring to know what I shall do next, and to lay that matter before the Lord. And this morning, being in Eskdalemoor, where I preached yesterday, in the laigh room in the manse there, having had the matter aforesaid much at heart before the Lord in secret, it fell in order, as being abroad, that I read Ps. 71 in the Hebrew original: and it pleased the Lord so to shine upon the latter part of it particularly, that from ver. 14 to the end, it was made most sweet to me, and encouraging, towards the matter of writing the essay on the accentuation in Latin, and the low circumstances I was, then brought into in respect of bodily weakness.

Accordingly on the Wednesday 27th April, I began to write the essay foresaid in Latin. And as I went on, I read something of Cicero, in my leisure-hours, for the language, and noted in a book some terms and phrases, taken from him, and others; particularly out of Calepin's dictionary, which Providence had in the year 1724 laid to my hand, when I knew not for what use it was designed. And to this collection I had frequent recourse, while I wrote that book; and found it to be of good use to me. I had formerly, upon occasion of appearing in print, done the same as to the English tongue; by which means my style, that I had been careless of before, was now somewhat refined.

But this year, the course of administering the sacrament of our Lord's supper was interrupted, through a disorder in the eldership, and my wife's heavy case, meeting together. Meanwhile, after closing of the former subject, I entered on Christ's titles, Isa. 9: 6, "For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of peace," for my ordinary; the which I treated of at large; and then added thereto several sermons on believing the report concerning Him, on Isa. 53: 1, "Who has believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?" and concluded these subjects 12th August.

Having plied the writing of the Latin essay on the accentuation through the winter, I finished it on the 17th of March 1727; consisting the first part of 182, the second of 322 pages in quarto. That day was to me, on this account, one joyful day among many heavy and sorrowful ones I have had; and it was my birthday, upon which, not by any art of mine, but providentially, as I went on in my ordinary course, the finishing of that work of my life did fall. It being Friday, I had studied my sermons by eleven o'clock; and having refreshed myself an hour, I finished that work about four o'clock; laid it before the Lord with thanksgiving for life, strength, and heart, graciously given me, for it; sang that latter part of the 71st psalm, given me for my launching out, as being now on the shore; dined with my two daughters, with a kind of little solemnity; and at night in the family sang again that part of the 71st psalm, which I could not get conveniently done after dinner, in respect of a stranger, a widow, being present in the house. She came in while I was finishing my work; and in token of my thankfulness to God for His bounty to me in this matter, I gave her a crown on the Monday when she went away, and three shillings on Saturday to some others in straits. After some time spent on Saturday morning in further thanksgiving, being dissatisfied with some phrases in one or both of the two last paragraphs, I wrote the last leaf over again; and added the Hebrew sentences, as the language of my heart and experience, to the praise of a gracious God.

In the spare time I had till 28th March I sought out and bound up some papers which I incline not to leave behind me; read over the MS. now finished; reformed my closet; took a list of borrowed books with me; and made a catalogue of such of my own books, as I desired to leave for prosecuting the study on the Hebrew Bible, which I have begun, though I know not to whose hand they may fall, but being desirous, that, if it shall please the sovereign Manager, they may be so disposed of and employed; and took some new thoughts of the way of disposing my worldly goods to my children; but the then state of my affairs would not permit the putting them as yet in execution. These things were done, with a design to have no incumbrance from worldly affairs, when the Lord should be pleased to call me home. Meanwhile my wife's furnace was heated. In the thoughts aforesaid of my demission, I had some view of carrying her in to Edinburgh against the winter 1726, and going in thither myself too, for the winter, and to make trial that way: but her indisposition increasing beyond what it had formerly in that season, barred all moving that way: meanwhile He helped us both through, and kept me up better than the winter before.

For my ordinary, I had, on 19th February, entered on the subject of propagating religion to posterity, and discoursing it from Isa. 38: 19, "The living, the living, he shall praise Thee," etc., insisted thereon till 21st May, that I entered on sermons preparatory for the sacrament. About which time, the weather proving exceeding rainy, for about the space of a month, I was brought to a pitch of bodily weakness, though my great task was now off my hand. In this case, at the sacrament, 11th June, my kind and gracious Master managed me as ever a mother would have done a weak child: so that at that time I got a lesson, just to be doing with the strength I have for the time, without asking questions; the which has been of good use to me since. Now the bruised serpent began with a broadside; which was heavy indeed, but made me the rather expect to see the goodness of the Lord in this work an open door, since there were many adversaries. Some of the parish had a horse-race appointed to be just on the Monday before, to which many were invited through the country. I had no notice of it till the immediately preceding Sabbath betwixt sermons; and then told them the surprising indecency of it; got no answer, but that they knew not if it could be got diverted. Hereupon I warned the congregation, that there was a snare laid for them; and the distributing of the tokens, appointed to have been that Sabbath after sermon, was delayed till Thursday the fast-day. The issue was, the manager of that matter seemed to be ashamed, declared he had done it inadvertently. None of the parish answered their invitation but one; a few came from other places; the race was dropped for the time, and they parted civilly. Thus, by the Hearer of Prayer, Satan was outshot in his own bow. He plied another engine. I was wounded and vexed on the Thursday, with Mr. J. M.’s two sermons, on Prov. 28: 13, "He that covereth his sins, shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them, shall have mercy." Wherein he explained repentance in three things: 1. Confession, implying shame; 2. Sorrow; 3. Forsaking. Then he endeavoured to confirm the necessity of repentance in order to remission; held out the fear of hell as what all had reason to entertain, to move them to repent; and harangued against delaying of repentance. The whole was shut up with that, We were not to do this in our own strength, but in the strength of God, and in dependence on Christ, from whom the grace must come. He had not one word of confessing over the head of the great sacrifice, nor of the sin of our nature, nor was faith in Jesus Christ, or remission by His blood, once named, farther than that dependence on Christ above mentioned may be thought to bear; far less faith, as uniting the soul to Christ as the fountain of holiness. I had reason to think it was designed against the doctrine I preach. And thus was I rewarded for my preaching for him, April gone a year; employing him here on the fast before the last communion, which gave me dissatisfaction of the same kind; and employing him again this time, in hope of better things: all which I did, not from private inclination, but from a sincere desire to strengthen his hands in the Lord's work in his parish; being persuaded, that any reputation the Lord has given me, I was bound to lay it out for the furthering His own interest and kingdom. However, kind Providence ordered that I preached in the afternoon, contrary to what he seemed to expect at his coming; and that also was by the same hand kindly guided, some things falling in the way necessary on such an occasion, and on the other hand tenderness used for peace sake. Thus I have seen the strain prevailing among the young divines, whom I have had no other occasion to hear: and some of the people here have discovered their savour and discerning on this occasion; so that out of the eater has come forth meat.

In respect of my bodily weakness, I thought I would provide timely for the sacrament, that I might rest and be refreshed the latter end of the week. So I prepared the fast-day's sermon the week before: but I was otherwise so taken up on Monday, that I could not get the action-sermon begun till Tuesday, nor perfected till Friday morning. And then I had so much prepared, that I knew not how I would be able to deliver it. But then the Lord had given it so, that it was most easily impressed on my memory; and I had it mandated by two o'clock afternoon; a forwardness I do not remember to have been in before. Then I thought I would rest at length: but thereafter I was held so I busy otherwise, that that afternoon I was exhausted; so was I on Saturday's night (what time I was wont to mandate my sermon), that I was able to do nothing. So the first time I could again set myself to go over it again in my mind, was between seven and eight on Sabbath morning, which I did cursorily. And thus was I but just where I used to be formerly at that time. Meanwhile, being put off my ordinary time of going to bed, sleep departed from me in great measure, both Friday and Saturday nights. In this case was I, when to enter on the solemn work of the Sabbath, weaker than ever, toiled and exhausted more than ever. But behold, strength was perfected in weakness; and I was in exercise, four hours together in the tent, and at the table. Only I rested a while in the midst of my sermon, the congregation singing; and then I prayed a few words, and entered on again: I never did it before, but I bless the Lord who gave me that counsel. The Wednesday was very rainy, the Thursday the fast-day was fair. The Friday was rainy, so that several were kept back that would have come from other places: but the whole three days, there was not a drop let fall on us. The Lord's own day was a grim louring day: no sun appeared, if it was not towards night. I stood in that tent the sweetest easiest station that ever I had on the like occasion; it was just to my wish: my Master managed me in that matter, as ever a mother would have done a weak child: (and the remembrance of it, at the writing it here, produces tears of joy and admiration of His goodness). And it was the sweeter, when it made me reflect on a word I had said in secret prayer that morning, in view of my weakness, which in the time I thought was none of the best worded, viz., "Cast a cloud over me, with a little gale of wind." The one was, because I thought I was not able to abide the sun; and the other, that I was not able to bear a dead calm. The Lord was with me in the delivering His word, with grave solid concern, as treating with sinners in the name of God. When I entered on the study of that sermon, I was very peremptory that I should be nothing in it but a voice: and I doubt if ever I was more so for so long a time together. And I did think, and do think still, I am very certain, it was the Lord's own message for that time: and can hardly think but He had something to do with it. I have learned anew to prize my two friends, who preached the gospel with the Master's own countenance. What is the chaff to the corn! Powerful were the prayers that they poured out for my afflicted wife; in whose case I turning quite hopeless some time ago, did myself much harm, and was almost sunk. At the table of the Lord, whithersoever I looked, I could see almost nothing, but sovereignty of a gracious God; when I looked to Christ, and when I looked to myself and relations, particularly to my wife's case. Sovereignty appeared in the person of Christ, the human nature being in Him united to the divine nature; sovereignty appeared in the way of the Father's dealing with Him, in His birth, life, and death: and thus I travelled betwixt the view of sovereignty with respect to Jesus Christ, and the view of it with respect to me and mine, backward and forward; believing my union with Him.

16th July 1727. - The Lord was very signally present at the sacrament celebrated in Maxton this day. I got a lesson of living by faith; in my serving of tables, not knowing what to speak, but finding it given sweetly and liberally in the moments wherein it was needed. The issue of all unto me was, I found my faith much strengthened. Powerful were the prayers there put up for my wife, now in the eighth year of her distress, from May 1720. And for several of these years, she has been free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, remembered no more; being overwhelmed with bodily maladies, her spirits drunk up with terror, by means of her imagination vitiated in a particular point, and harassed with Satan's temptations plied against her at that disadvantage. Meanwhile, in all things else, she remains clear in her judgement, and pointed in her discourse, as before. As she has been all along supported to a wonder; so the Lord has at times given her remarkable visits in her prison, and manifested His love to her soul. And the reality of the grace of God in her, has, by means of her trial, been manifested to conviction. When I came home, she related to me, how that morning I went away, she had been reduced to the utmost extremity; and that which in the imagination thereof was the cause of her terror, really falling out that afternoon, which I very well knew in the time, but had no access to help her, but by lifting up my heart to the Lord on her account; yet she was strengthened to bear it, in such sort as she had particularly desired that day, and had not for several years before reached unto: and how gracious the Lord had been to her on the Saturday, being the morrow after, and the Sabbath; so that she was brought to say in her heart, Who knows but the Lord may yet bring me again to the land of the living! This surprising relation discovering that God had remarkably heard prayer on her behalf, I began to conceive more firm hopes of her deliverance. Now we were, with our broken ship, within sight of the shore; and I was as one stretching forth his arms, crying, help forward, help forward! But behold, in a little time after, the storm rose anew; and the ship was beat back into the main ocean, out of sight of land again.

31st July. - Monday, I fell under a considerable illness, which I took to be the effect of Moffat-well water, having advanced to three chopins of it, being weary of the time the drinking of it took up. On the Thursday's night it came to an extremity, so that death stared me in the face; and the sending for help proposed was delayed, till it should be seen, what the morrow would produce. This was a sharp-edged trial to me. I had been invited to the sacrament at Ear, to be administered 6th August, the very following Sabbath; but, for a testimony against the injury done by the minister of that place here, to the truth of the gospel, refused. Now I feared I would be made the reproach of the foolish, being likely to preach none at all that Sabbath, nor at Galashiels sacrament the following Lord's day, 13th August, if ever to preach more. Thus I was obliged to review that refusal; and found, in the face of extremity, I had done no more in it, but what was necessary for the sake of truth; and desired to lay my credit, and my all, at the Lord's feet. On the morrow my illness abated; but I was unable to study, and was satisfied in an old sermon I thought the Lord had use for. I was helped to deliver it on the Lord's day, and to go about my work as ordinary; which was a mercy exceeding great in my eyes, in that thereby I was not left to be the reproach of the foolish. On the Tuesday after, I studied a little for Galashiels: but it was the Wednesday ere I was quite well; and that day and Thursday I was strengthened to do my work for that place.

12th August Saturday. - I preached this day on Luke 18: 8, "I tell you, He will avenge them speedily." I had, when at Maxton, had an eye to that text for this occasion; but afterwards laid aside thoughts of it. Yet when the time drew near, I was driven back to it. And this strengthened my hopes of my wife's deliverance, as did also my late deliverance.

On the Sabbath morning, minding to read Isa. 53: the 63rd chapter turned up, and I was moved to read it: and the fourth verse thereof, "The day of vengeance is in Mine heart, and the year of My redeemed is come," so harmonising with my text, sweetly surprised me, and raised my hopes very full, as to the deliverance aforesaid drawing near. At the table I had a view of Christ Himself as ALL to me; and going to view particular benefits, as pardon, etc., I was led back to behold Himself as containing all whatsoever. In concern for my children, that word came, "I will be thy God, and the God of thy seed." Mr. Wilson on the Saturday, and at the tables, insisted on believing the gospel; and on Monday again, to good purpose. But that day I had wished in my heart he had handled some other subject. Mr. Hunter preached after him on these words, "He is faithful that has promised;" whereby I was checked, and caused to say in my heart, The foolishness of God is wiser than men; seeing how God did confirm what I did not so much approve. I was so refreshed with that sermon of Mr. Hunter's, that I found my very body in good condition when the work was over.

But after all this, coming home, I found my wife was extraordinary ill, and saw her not for some time. And when I saw her, she told me, that it had been extraordinary ill with her, and that she had tasted of the bitterness of death, what she had not known before. However, this made me not to stagger, as to my hope of her deliverance. In prayer at parting with her, it had been kept quite out of my head, to desire of the Lord a comfortable meeting with her. Adverting to this ere I got out of the room, I stood a little astonished, and thought it not meet to tell her of it at that time. But now from this my hopes were confirmed, in that I thought the Lord's having kept from seeking what He minded not to give, was a ground of hope, that He would give the rest which He helped to seek of Him. When we went to familyworship, Josh. 21 being the ordinary, was read, and verse ult., "There failed not ought of any good thing which the Lord had spoken unto the house of Israel: all came to pass," was sweet, and pat to my present circumstances in that matter. And on the morrow, having been carried out in secret prayer to plead with God in the same case, I was anew surprised and comforted, reading in my ordinary in the Hebrew Bible, Gen. 25: 21, "And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, - and the Lord was intreated of him."

22nd August, Tuesday. - Saturday's night I was raised out of bed to see my wife in great extremity. Sabbath morning comforting her, and shewing that, notwithstanding of all this, the deliverance might be not a whit the farther off, she bid me speak to her as a dying person. Thereafter in secret being somewhat shaken, and expressing my fears before the Lord, that word given at Eskdalemoor, "Thou wilt comfort me on every side," was brought to me, and was staying. Monday she was better: but this morning I found she had been very ill all this night. Even thus in great measure has it been for many years. Meanwhile I am called to wait on, and not to faint. This affliction has been very heavy to me, bowed me down, and contributed to the bringing me to the low case I am now reduced to: and by it I have been under a providential confinement at home, for some years; which however, in the wisdom of Providence, has tended to the carrying on of my work in my closet. Three things I see clearly designed in it. 1. My correction; wherein God is just, very just, as I very well know. 2. My humiliation this being as a weight hung at me, to balance the honour the Lord has put on me in the matter of the accentuation of the Hebrew Bible. 3. The good of His people; in clearing and comforting them by my public work, occasioned by the Lord's dealing thus with me, according to 2 Cor. 4: 15 and 1: 6.

24th August. - I desired the Lord would clear up this day, being foul, that I might get to Mr. Robert Scot's burial, as a token He would hear in that foresaid. Singing at family-worship Ps. 121 this view of the Bible was given me, namely, that whatever were the particular occasions of the writing it, or any part thereof, I am to look upon it as written for me, as much as if there were not another person in the world; and so is everybody else to whose hand it comes. The day continued bad; but I thought, What, shall I not believe the promise of protection I have been singing? So I went away, hoping it might clear afterwards. But it did not: and it was very bad in our return. Nevertheless I was nothing worsted by the journey. Thus I got the main thing desired, getting to the burial; but not with the ease, and in the way, I would have had it. And perhaps it may even be so, in that weighty case I have so much at heart.

26th August. - My wife being under an impression that her dissolution was near, going to the Lord in the case, that word was seasonably given me, "He is faithful that has promised."

27th August. - Coming in from preaching on Rom. 8: 26, in secret prayer, I had an experience of the help of the Spirit in prayer, which I had been preaching on. And I got a view of the case of the children of God, and my wife's particularly, under melancholy, viz., That our Lord, minding to show the power of His grace in His children combating with Satan, He, by such a touch on their imagination in a particular point, gives Satan a palpable advantage against them, whereby his work may be more easy, than if they here to encounter on even ground: and then He lets the battle go to, and through a secret support and conveyance of strength from Himself to His child, Satan is baffled, and that more shamefully, than if he had wanted that seen advantage of the ground.

2nd September. - I had a letter from Mr. Wilson, whose daughter Marion had been prayed for at Galashiels, putting me in mind of the expression in prayer there used, viz., that the Lord would rebuke that fever; and bearing, that, as he understood, at that very hour the fever left her, and never recurred. This was a confirmation of the subject I was upon there. I remember I was straitened in that prayer, yet there were in that congregation who might be otherwise, and the Lord might help me as their mouth: and I question not but parts of prayer wherein there is straitening, may be accepted.

11th September. - Being in hazard of fainting in my wife's case, it was seasonably suggested to me, that it was surely by the Spirit I was led to carry that message, Luke 18: 8, to the Lord's children; and she and I are the Lord's children too, having an interest in it as well as others. And that passage, Ps. 71: 20, 21, became fresh to me, that I was made confidently to plead it, and expect from it; the Bible being God's word to me in particular, as before remarked.

16th September. - Since the finishing of that essay, I have revised the Fourfold State, which cost me much labour, through what was done to it by Mr. Wightman, and that the printers had destroyed most of the authentic copy. But, by kind Providence, Mr. Wardrobe had taken a copy of it, to the end of the third state, which, though not accurate, was useful to me in this case. I have also put the last hand to some sermons on Phil. 2: 7, "But made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:" and they are now sent in to Mr. Macewan: and so I am relieved of a promise I made, namely, to give him some sermons for the press. When that promise was made several years ago, these sermons were not in being, and so could not be in my view. I hope never to make such a promise again, nor to print for printing's sake. And I bless God I am delivered from this by a plain providential call to publish these. Thereafter I began a short explication of the catechism; the occasion whereof was this, Some time ago, there was a motion for Mess. Wilson, Davidson, and I, writing on the catechism, for the preservation of the doctrine. They took their parts assigned them; I declined any part, as having my hands otherwise filled; only they proposed to me the commands. What I perceived in my examinations of those of the younger sort, and in my own family, made me long for that work: but they not being likely to be hasty in it, I fell on this project to satisfy myself in the meantime; but could not get access to fix to it. After the sacrament at Galashiels, I inclined much to fall on that work; but by no means could I in my conscience evite the filling up of the passages of my life, at least as far as the account of the finishing the essay on the accentuation. So I filled it up from the beginning of January 1716 to 9th November 1727; and in doing of it was satisfied, and began to look on it as a sign of that matter of the essay moving to some point. That having been the most busy time of my life, in study and writing, there was but little of that nature recorded. What I have now in view, is that explication of the catechism, the notes on the covenant of grace, and the proceeding in the essay on the Hebrew text, which still as I read the Hebrew Bible, my heart rues upon.

As for the state of my body, all my upper teeth are now come out by the roots, except two in the end of each jaw, and two sideteeth. I have frequent pains of the toothache: can hardly continue close till two o'clock; am afterwards unfit for anything, if it is not to read a little at night. I preach short now, but I think I pray longer than I was wont in public. I have found my weakness, this summer, subservient to my humiliation and self-denial in all my performances; and a kind of check on the lightness of the heart, that youth is ready to go out unto: yet have I found it withal insufficient of itself to that good purpose.

25th September. - Having been this day eight days, after prayer, determined to that work on the catechism, as what would be of present use, I applied myself thereto; and for three days it went on comfortably; so that I was too secure about it on the third night. But that night sleep fled from me, and on the morrow I was left to toil all the day to little purpose or satisfaction. Moreover, I was seized with a violent toothache, and was in great extremity, especially in the night; so that for two nights I could not lay down my head, but behoved to sit in my bed. Thus was I taught dependence on the Lord in this little work; and that both for the exercise of my gift, and for strength of body for it. The third night, being Saturday's, I got quiet sleep, with my head laid down; and on the morrow, access to my Master's work. And I am signally indebted to Him; for that to this day, as far as I remember, I was never kept from preaching one Lord's day. The toothache has stormed my lower teeth so, that I think they are beginning to give way too. This day, Ps. 29: ult., "The Lord will give strength unto His people, the Lord will bless His people with peace," was food for my faith in my wife's case; and I pleaded before the Lord for the accomplishment of it.

2nd October, Monday. - Last week the work on the catechism appeared a more solemn, serious, and weighty work, than at first I took it to be. I bless God that taught me that lesson. The toothache began on Tuesday to return in the other side of the head; which warned me again to seek of the Lord ability for the work; and He pitied. My wife rose out of her bed on Thursday at night, and sat by the fire about an hour and three quarters. It was the more comfortable, that it was the day wherein I had spent some time in prayer for her case, which I have done once every week since the sacrament at Galashiels.

4th October. - Having ordered to settle my younger son's quarters at Edinburgh for the ensuing winter, when he is to go in, I laid that matter over on the Lord; being encouraged therein from the conduct afforded Abraham's servant, Gen. 24: 27, "And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who has not left destitute my master of His mercy and His truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren." I found this day it was done according to my wish, and that without difficulty. And thereby I felt how experience strengthens faith. However, I clearly perceive a necessity of a blessing from the Lord on that settlement to make it comfortable.

30th October. - Two days ago I had an account, that the sermons on Phil. 2: 7, "The mystery of Christ in the form of a servant," being printed, were going off well.

6th November, Monday. - Last week was a heavy week to me, to the weakening of my very body, through an embargo from the Lord laid on me, in the study of the question concerning Christ's kingly office; the which lies yet untaken off. Tuesday's night we fell to sing Ps. 25: 11-15, which being so close to my case, particularly ver. 14, I so laboured to gripe it, that being withal sore broken, I had begun, ere I was aware, to sing over again the latter part of that verse a second time, "And He His holy covenant will manifest to them." On the morrow morning, reflecting on my past life, this thought heavily went through my heart, viz., That I had been neglected, and broken, and now was fallen down: presently after, I was surprisingly catched, and my case explained, and hope given, reading in my ordinary Ps. 107, particularly vers. 11, 19, 13.

9th November. - Being just on the point of settling my children's portions by assignation, I had yesterday an account of one of my debtors being broken, whereby my measures are quite disconcerted. This day having sent away my son, to use diligence on that head, and to arrest, I did some time after Bit down to my studies, being several ways unfitted for them, and with little hope of success. But it pleased the sovereign Lord to loose the arrestment He had laid on my spirit, and kept on me about fourteen days. This sweet tryst made me very easy as to that secular affair. He has kept up the deliverance till the fittest time of giving it. O the nothingness of the creature, and of gifts, without the Spirit! God has accomplished His word that was my comfort in my affliction. He has manifested the covenant; I am not ashamed. I see now, this is a great work, and that I need to depend on the Lord for strength of body, and for light, for that effect, as in the former.

14th November. - By letters from Edinburgh I find, that a third part of the Latin MS. on the accentuation is amissing; and nine sheets of the copy of the first part. My wife has been for some time worse than before. Considering those things, with the breach made on my substance, I saw myself beset, and upon the trial of my faith, hope, patience, resignation; and therefore aimed at exercising these graces, and I hope not in vain. I am now brought to look and cry to the Lord, for continuance of life, for bodily strength, and light, for the study of the catechism, as in my former of the Hebrew. On Sabbath night, Ps. 32: 7, to the end, sung in the family, was full of light and sweetness to me, "Thou art my hiding-place," etc.

1st December. - Yesterday morning my son going away again to prosecute that business aforesaid, I was obliged to give him all the money I had, save a little; which money should have gone for family-use. I was helped to trust the Lord for provision; and that very night money was unexpectedly brought to my hand, wherewith I was furnished for sending to the market. In the conduct of Providence, at his going first away on that business, I saw how the Lord, who had seen that stroke necessary for me and my family, yet had managed me therein with fatherly pity and tenderness, which made me very easy about the matter.

10th December. - Last week, I was informed, that the third part of the Latin MS. for which I had been in concern before the Lord, was recovered. Also the Lord dealt favourably in my domestic concerns.

18th December. - Last week I had a fit of the gravel, owing to my suffering myself to be tossed with an old temptation, the fountain of much sorrow to me; whereby I perceived Providence was in earnest for subduing my spirit in that point. O to be like a weaned child!

8th January 1728. - Matters appear more hopeless, with respect to my essay on the accentuation, and my wife's case. Only the nine sheets are also found again. I have this season had two experiences of the Lord's bearing me up, in going His errands in the parish, notwithstanding of the cold I am so unable to super. I find the consideration of electing love, and of affliction, as the common lot of God's children, helpful to me for patience under my trials.

15th January. - Last week, being the only week for a good time that I did not catechise, having gone through the parish for the first time, I had two fits of the gravel. So I see I must be doing. I found I reaped some soul-advantage by them, especially the first, having given myself to solemn prayer on Wednesday.

23rd January. - On Friday last I had two fits of the gravel again. I receive no relief in the case, but after sore vomiting. So recovering out of one of them, and going to family-worship, I was exceedingly comforted with the first word sung, Ps. 68: 13, "Though ye have lien among the pots," etc.

29th January. - The gravel still hanging about me, my progress on the catechism is stopped. And now my soul is often saying, "Lord, shall I not have wherewith to feed Thy lambs, to feed Thy sheep!"

12th February. - Still that illness hangs about me. Faith being strengthened, I had last week some comfortable views of the resurrection, being on that question.

5th March. - On the Lord's day, 18th February, I was to enter on the subject of the Lord's hearing of prayer, having been led thereto by my wife's case, and the exercise on my spirit about it; and insisted thereon from the first Sabbath of the preceding August. What I mainly insisted on, was "The Spirit's help in prayer," from Rom. 8: 26, "The Spirit helpeth our infirmities," etc. I had fondly thought, that perhaps the Lord might tryst the deliverance of my wife, with my being on that subject; but that morning I found she had all the night been, and still was, in a high fever; and thus was I met, at my entry on that subject. Yet it staggered me not, considering the usual method of Providence with me. The fever proceeded, with an inflammation that went over her face and head; and such were the turns in her case all that week, and part of the next, that I was made to reel and stagger like one drunk; often seeing the knife at the throat of all the tokens for hope I had. But readily in prayer, when hardest put to it, that came before me, "I will come and heal her;" and my text, Ps. 65: 2, "O Thou that hearest prayer," had a kindly sweetness about it to me. On the Friday morning, when I should have entered on my studies (that being my ordinary study-day), and particularly on that head, That God is the hearer of prayer, and will hear the prayers of His people, I was called to wait on her, now brought to an extremity, and could have no access to study at all that day. This was a sharp trial I lay that night in the folding-bed, in the room where she lay; ordered away an express to Edinburgh, to call home my eldest son; and on the morrow got something scraped together on the head aforesaid, On the Sabbath morning, being heavily affected with the case, I went to prayer, and laid it before the Lord: I desired He would work a deliverance, and would please to allow us a breathing-time for a while, before our sun should set; and I thought I saw, that that prayer was made by the help of His Spirit, laid for acceptance on the intercession of His Son; and begged the outmaking of His word to me. Thereafter taking the Bible, I thought with myself, That is God's word to me, wherein I am to hear from heaven, and receive my answer: so I read in my ordinary, and that was made sweet to me, Isa. 64: 4 and 65: 8, but above all ver. 10, "And Sharon shall be a fold of flocks, and the valley of Achor a place for the herds to lie down in, for My people that have sought Me." I have been thinking, I would tell her for her encouragement, how I had purposely addressed the throne of grace for her case, once every week since the time aforesaid, and was hopeful I would be heard: howbeit I did not tell her. But by that means, that word, "And the valley of Achor - that have sought Me," through the divine blessing, was as oil to my weary bones. As I sought, so I got an opportunity to preach the Lord's word, and particularly the head aforesaid. But never all the time did she, to me, look more like a dying person, than just when I came from that sermon; howbeit I was not thereby staggered. On the Monday came Mr. Wilson, and my son also; and by that time the case appeared more hopeful. Yet such turns were in it now and then, as made me reel and stagger again. Next Friday morning, rising somewhat early for my studies of my sermon; hoping I would now get access thereto, I was called down by the time I had got out of bed. And I having, the night before, expressed great confidence in her case, she desired me to let go some of my confidence with respect to it, telling me what she felt as to the case of her body. This brought me under a great damp, heightened by my falling to study that day, as I could get access, how prayer might be accepted, and yet not granted! By that means an embargo was laid on my spirit, in private and secret, which continued till Sabbath morning; at which time there was a blowing on me. In the time of this damp, I turned to the promise, Rom. 8: 28, to believe that with application whatever should come. She seems now, by the good hand of God, to be returned to her ordinary.

During this additional trial in my wife's case, the Lord was very gracious to her. Before its coming on, she had a secret impression or intimation of a trial abiding her; and this word, Isa. 43: 2, "when thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee," etc., which was given her at her entering many years ago into the long dark valley, was made fresh on her spirit. About the beginning of the week, after falling into the fever, awaking out of sleep in the night, she found herself so very low, that she could hardly have spoke to awaken her daughter lying beside her, but still having the exercise of her judgement. She thought, that looked very like death, and therefore turned her thoughts towards the word; and the foundation of faith was cleared to her from John 3: 16, "God so loved the world," etc. She saw the promise as a boat on a water, free for any sinner to go into; and as a rope fixed on both sides of the water, free to them to take hold of, for their security, to be thereby wafted over; and she was helped to lay hold on it for her security, believing it. Then she thought with herself, O that I had comfort too! And considering, that when the promise comes not in, the sinner may go out unto it, and seek it, she set herself to seek accordingly. That time appeared to her to be a gathering time; and accordingly she set herself to gather promises, and got them abundantly; and she sung in her heart, "To these long desolations, Thy feet lift, do not tarry, for all the ills Thy foes has done within Thy sanctuary." It was as it were said to her, What is thy petition? She found that all that time the body of death had not made its usual molestation; that she as it were looked about for it, saying, What is become of the body of death now? And it was as it were answered, It was in the stocks. She looked about for her melancholy, to see what was become of it; and saw it as it had been a spark of fire under ashes; said within herself, Lord, if I shall be returned to life, and be set again on the gaping waters, I will fall a-doubting, and dishonouring Thee again; and that bolted in on her, "My grace is sufficient for thee."

During the same time, the gravel hanging about me, I rode a little ordinarily every day, on that account. Twice I took horse with the fit on me, and the riding carried it off: I had resolved to settle my affairs anew by testament, and on the Monday after she fell ill I attempted it; but could do nothing to purpose; and hitherto I have had no access to effect it. On the last of February, my MS. on the accentuation was returned, being transcribed; and a letter by Mr. Wilson to Jerviswood was concerted.

On the 8th of March, the fever began to recur with the inflammation, but was mercifully carried by. That word has been much on her spirit, "Be still, and know that I am God:" sometime that, "Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord." And the voice of God to her with respect to her melancholy seemed to be, that she should stand to her post. Whatever be the issue, the Lord has so kindly managed this additional trial, that neither she nor I have been put behind the hand.

14th March. - Since the first of this month, I have been sensibly easier as to my gravel, and in better health than before. Yesterday we kept a congregational fast for the season, and bodily strength was furnished me, to my wonder.

25th March. - Howbeit, after it, the weather turned very bad; so the Lord has answered us by terrible things in righteousness. I am now near the end of my preaching on the hearing of prayer, but no appearance of my wife's deliverance, the trouble rather increasing; withal I am turned worse as to my own body.- These things have shaken me sore; and now for some time it has been my desire and aim, to be resigned, and to be content to sit still under my cloud the Lord has cast over me. Howbeit, the latter end of last week, the Lord renewed His comforts to my wife's soul, and made her to say, He has well compensated all her seven years' trouble, her soul being carried out with full bent to Jesus Christ in the promise: she saw the Lord her dwelling-place, and tasted the sweetness of His relations, particularly that of a husband: in which case beginning to say, Might she not look for a deliverance? it was laid on her spirit, that she stood more in need of patience and resignation; and therewith a sweet calm went through her soul: particularly she gave me an account, which I have here set down in her name, as follows.

"I have often aimed at embracing the everlasting covenant held forth in the gospel, and saw my welcome thereto; was willing also to betake myself to it, with my whole heart, and often essayed it. My defect still lay in the want of that confidence of faith, that the covenant should be made forthcoming to me, according to my needs, for time and eternity; fear still prevailing, and keeping me as it were standing on loose ground. But on 21st March betwixt two and four o'clock in the morning, on my bed of affliction, it pleased the Lord to stir me up, and help me to essay it again, and to get that gap in some measure filled up. Being deeply convinced of the sin of my nature, and judging it to be the source of my unfixedness, I did, in the first place, make confession of the sin of my nature, life, and practice, being as particular therein as I could reach; especially confessing my predominant sin, and laying my heart open to the omniscient God, to search and try it, in the most retired corners thereof; that if there was any lust or idol that I knew not of, I might be made sensible of the same: and I judged and condemned myself, as deserving nothing but the utmost of God's indignation. Then I looked to the way of salvation held forth in the word of the gospel; beheld Jesus Christ, a Saviour every way suited to my needs, my lost and undone condition. I saw an absolute need of Him, in all His offices; and a glorious fitness in them, and each of them, for my case. So I did, with the whole bent of my soul, embrace the everlasting covenant held forth to me in the word of the gospel of grace; cast myself over on the Lord Jesus Christ, and receive Him in all His offices; take Cod for my God in Him; and, with my whole heart, gave up myself, soul and body, to be the Lord's for ever: my soul going out after Christ in His kingly office, as much as in the rest, for the sanctification of my nature, and subduing of my strong corruptions, without reserve; especially my predominant, which I saw head and shoulders above the rest; being sincerely desirous, in the sight of God, never to entertain peaceably, but, through His covenant-grace, to war against every lust whatsoever, though a right hand, or right eye. And I was in a good measure brought to a confident persuasion, that this foundation of the everlasting covenant, on which I had bottomed my soul for time and eternity, had all things in it needful for me; and that it should be made forthcoming to me, for my several needs for time and eternity, according to His faithful word of promise: pleading, that my failings should not make void this transaction, and that I be allowed to remember it, and renew it, as often as need requires. And having for my exercise a more than ordinary load on my spirit, I did, with all the solemn seriousness I was capable of, beg and request for the Lord's pity and help in that particular; that if He saw it meet He might remove it, but if it must continue, that He would keep me near Himself in it; that His grace may be sufficient for me, and I may be kept from sinking despondency, still believing, in the worst of times, that God is my God in Jesus Christ the Mediator, and will with the temptation give an outgate, or strength to bear it. And with the same solemn seriousness, I begged, that His Spirit, whom I was helped to look to for assistance in this my address, might all along direct, guide, and assist me in my addresses to Him for the supply of my wants, and to aim at and seek my fruit, by sticking to the root Jesus Christ, and not from my sincerity, nor anything else in myself; looking on the Lord Jesus as the head of influences, and as made of God unto me, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; from whence I was led in unto a sweet view of my union and communion with Him."

2nd April. - I have been still seeking to be cleared as aforesaid, three things being before me. 1. Going on in the work on the Hebrew text, which I can find no freedom to enter on at present, considering it as the chief, to make way for which other things are to be dispatched. 2. Going forward on the catechism; as to which, I find I was providentially carried into it without design; and having finished the first part of the catechism, I was stopped after the same manner; and there appears a kind of justice in leaving the rest of it unto my two brethren: it answers not my design for the parish, as to a form of examination, being after the first questions quite too large: and for my children, as much is done in it, as will serve them a good time. I have nevertheless found it to be of valuable use to me since that time: and I bless the Lord, who led me to it, in the manner above related. 3. Writing on the covenant of grace; to which my light doth chiefly open: For (1) These sermons, most of them at least, were indeed studied with a design of more public usefulness. (2) It seems fitter than new study, in respect of my bodily weakness. (3) Great difficulty having appeared as to the modelling of the first part of these notes, some light for getting through the same begins to break, which does in a manner necessitate me to essay this world, ere that go out of my head. I have smarted, as usual in time of my being unfixed to some particular business.

8th April. - Yesterday I ended my sermons on the hearing of prayer; but there is no appearance of my wife's deliverance. As to the frame of my spirit on that trying occasion, it was and is a resoluteness to wait on the Lord, with a contentment and pleasedness too, with what way He shall be pleased to take in it, as that which will be the best. Last week, as I had opportunity, I attempted the settling of my affairs; and I did reach the way of disposing of the Latin essay on the accentuation, and the parcel of my books to be left for prosecuting my beloved study: but as to my other affairs I quite stuck, and could by no means reach the settling of them. Wherefore I cried to the Lord, that He would please either to teach me how to do it, or else carry me off from it, that it might not stand in the way of my proceeding to business. After which, the entanglement still remaining as to these other affairs, it came into my mind to settle the two things cleared; and as to the other, to let things stand much as formerly. So having spent some time in prayer, and thinking on my business of another nature, this day, I am determined to essay writing on the covenant of grace. What determined me was, that proceeding on the catechism seemed to me, as it were, an invading the province of others; and I can have no rational view of an end of my study on the Hebrew text, but what death will make; that this is a very necessary piece of work' for clearing that grand subject much darkened; and I found I had been solicitous, that, in the event of my being prevented by death, Mr. Wilson might put these notes in order for the press. So, notwithstanding of the weakness of the performance as it stands, and inability to study, which are heavy to me, I am convinced I ought, and dare not slight this opportunity to essay it.

15th April. - Having on Tuesday spent some time in prayer for the Lord's presence with me in that work, spreading my notes before the Lord, and pleading for light from the Father of lights, through the Son, by His Spirit, I did, on Wednesday 10th April, begin that work; and found the effect of the application on my body; my head, which long since had begun to shake, being thereby made sensibly to shake more to a degree. Since that time I have not had time and strength both together, to do any more in it: but I desire to be found so doing as the Lord shall enable. My wife returned on Saturday to the little room; which is, in my view, the inner prison. The matter of the restraint on me, as to altering the settlement of my affairs, begins to open. I had little comfort in the gathering of that money; and Providence has now blown upon it being gathered. My great comfort now with respect to it is, I had no anxiety to gather it together. And I hope the Lord is teaching me to live by faith, with respect to my children's provision, and will provide for them another way than I meant.

22nd April. - Last week the Lord was pleased to give strength to make a comfortable progress in my work. My wife also had an intermission of her melancholy, wherein it was removed for the space or one night. And this is the second time, or at most the third, that has fallen out in the course of so many years. This gives some hope. Meanwhile it becomes mighty, the floods lift up their voice.

21st May. - Having been minded to go to Galashiels on the 7th, to concert about the sacrament here, I was the night before disabled by a bruise got by a fall from my horse: and last week being recovered, I went thither, and saw I had missed the one half of my errand if Providence had not given me that stop. About the end of April, I received a letter in Latin, from Mr. John Flint, above designed, concerning the essay on the accentuation, by him also revised: unto the which, tending to discourage, I made a return quickly in the same language. The sacrament was delayed till August, in regard of Mr. Davidson's weakness, and my wife's case. And I think it was of the Lord.

My next ordinary subject was, the slow procedure of Providence against the wicked, from Eccles. 8: 11, "Because sentence against an evil work is not speedily executed, therefore the heart of the children of men is fully set in them to do evil." This was occasioned by the case of the unhappy J. A., of whose guilt of adultery, he being now married, there were strong grounds of suspicion; but there was no bringing of the same to light, notwithstanding all endeavours made that way. Hereon I insisted till 23rd June: after which, by my own struggle in my wife's case, I was led, both abroad and at home, to that text, 2 Cor. 5: 7, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Then, with an eye to the administering of the sacrament, I entered on Luke 6: 46, "Why call ye Me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?". In this, I was led into the point of the possibility of getting all Christ's commands done acceptably: in the which I had a peculiar satisfaction; observing the usefulness thereof in point of practice to be very great, and reaching a clearer insight into it than I had ever had before.

16th June. - On the Thursday that should have been our fast-day before the sacrament, was the most terrible inbreaking of our brook known in the memory of any alive. It laid much of the glebe under water, and seems to have ruined it; it came down by the end of the house also, and ran into the churchyard. The Sabbath also was a bad day. On the first of March there was an earthquake, but we felt it not in our house. This conduct of Providence was wonderful in my eyes.

25th June. - I have for some time had much ado to keep up confidence in my wife's case, times wherein I looked for peace, no good coming. Last Saturday, being convinced of the necessity of living by faith in it, and of divine aid to recover and maintain my confidence, I was helped by a letter from my friend. But still matters held at an extremity. On Sabbath after, sitting by her bedside, I saw the wonderful wisdom of Providence in the dispensation, darting its rays all around as it were to every point of the compass, and carrying on many different ends; and some of them contrary as east and west point, e.g. humbling and lifting up; some things also having a far look back.

4th July. - Friday being to go to Maxton to the sacrament, before I rose in the morning, I found myself so feeble, that I knew not how to get thither. But the Lord gave me strength, I think, for this purpose; which held out by the way thither, all along while there, and to my return home, better perhaps than for several years before on that occasion. And I cheerfully bestowed it for the end it was given me. That morning ere I went away, I was surprised, in our family-ordinary, with the history of Aeneas, that had kept his bed eight years, Acts 9, the present distressed case of my wife being now eight years complete in May last: and on Saturday morning with the return of Job's captivity, in their ordinary at Maxton, Job 13. These things strengthened hope. On Saturday's night I lost my rest; but was really easy about it, finding the Lord just gives me strength for His work, as He sees meet: and indeed I did not miss that lost rest. The Lord was with me in my work: but the fear of man was a snare to me a little in preaching on Sabbath night, more in prayer, and worst of all at the presbytery-dinner on Tuesday, letting a scripture-phrase unduly used by a brother pass without witnessing against it. This ruined my peace and comfort, to this day not fully recovered.

15th July. - A roll of about sixty persons being prayed for at the communion in Maxton, my brethren and I trysted to meet at the throne of grace on their account, and my wife's among the rest, every Wednesday betwixt seven and eight in the morning, each at his own home, till the week of the communion here. And being this day at that exercise, I was refreshed with that meeting me in my ordinary, Zech. 8: 19, "Thus saith the Lord of hosts, The fast of the fourth month, and the fast of the fifth, and the fast of the seventh, and the fast of the tenth, shall be to the house of Judah joy and gladness, and cheerful feasts."

5th August. - Being now in a near view of the sacrament, my trials are many: Mr. Davidson's frailty continued; the life of my wife seeming to hang more in doubt than for some time before; and withal Satan has given a broadside in the parish. A couple of fornicators appear before the congregation next Lord's day, being the Sabbath immediately before the sacrament. Perceiving the awful design of Providence to humble me and the congregation thereby, I durst not shift their appearance till after; but put my neck under that yoke, precisely on the view I had of Providence's calling to take on that badge of our shame. I desire still to hope, to be doing, and to submit. If I am never more on earth to get up my back, this I aim at, with an eye to Him for pity.

22nd August. - On the 18th the sacrament was celebrated here. The Lord has showed me the necessity and usefulness of living by faith, being troubled on every side, yet not distressed. Satan has laid at me, my God has tried me with His own hand: but in neither case has He left me comfortless.

Since the latter end of June three fornications have broke out: the first, the man about fifty, who till that time had lived unmarried, with an unstained reputation; and a young woman of seeming singular modesty: the second, a stripling of seventeen, and a woman of thirty at least: the third, the woman a communicant, the man one of the catechumens that waited on the examination kept at the kirk for the younger sort, from January to about Whitsunday. On the other hand, of twenty examined for admission, nineteen were admitted: and I think I was never more satisfied, generally speaking, with those I so examined. All of them came to me orderly before the communion-week, except two, whereof one upon the fast-day, who was therefore examined before the session, resolving to examine no more privately in the communion-week.

The fast was kept on Wednesday; and I neither had nor sought help; but I was helped every way, bodily strength bearing out quite beyond expectation. Seeing how Satan set himself to ruin the Lord's work in my hand, I judged it necessary to struggle the more resolutely; and upon that view, after sermons that day, called in the new communicants or competentees all together, and before the session put them explicitly to consent to the covenant, whereof they desired the seal, proposing to them the questions contained in the tenth paragraph of the paper of admission to the Lord's table above mentioned, to which they consented by bowing their heads, as was expressly agreed upon. I used to take them engaged privately before, but was much satisfied with this. And this method I have since observed. But after this hopeful beginning, that very night awaking uneasy, I found my wife was at an extremity; and I rose, and went to her with a fit of the gravel on me; which increasing, I was presently obliged to leave her, put on my clothes, and took my horse betwixt one and two o'clock in the morning. I took several turns on horseback in great pain; but the riding prevailed not to carry it off. So 1 behoved to take my bed again, and wrestle under it till it went off.

By this means I was in no case on the morrow to pursue my study of the action-sermon begun on Tuesday, having dispatched the fast-day's on the Monday. But on the Friday, though of a long time I have been unfit for study in the afternoons, I was enabled to pursue that study in the afternoon as well as the forenoon, and finish it.

On Friday's night, missing my ordinary bedtime, I lost my sleep: but I rose in the morning, mandated my notes, and was by that means so far set forward.

Saturday's night being set down to family-worship, and the Bible opened, I was suddenly struck with indisposition; and being in hazard of fainting, left it, and retired to my closet. In these trials I was helped to trust in the Lord; and at this nick of time particularly, was very peremptory that I would trust Him come what would. The indisposition went off, I got to the worship, and thereafter went timely to bed, being in no case to apply to business: and my circumstances could bear it.

Having slept well, I rose about five o'clock on Sabbath morning. But a great coldness in my feet and legs seized me, and hung about me that morning, threatening a fit of the gravel. I sat as I had access with my legs over the fire, which I think was useful. But going out to the public work before ten, I neither felt nor minded it more; and found myself very well, when, about three o'clock, I came into the house after the first table. I divided my sermon in two, but had forgot to take anything in my pocket for refreshment: but was carried through without it.

Having refreshed myself a while, I went out, and communicated, and thereafter served another table with sufficient ease and vigour. While I was in the house, I endeavoured to comfort my wife, the Lord's prisoner, and was comforted by her in the Lord's goodness to her at this time: and at the communion-table I was helped to believe, that we should both stand on the shore yet, and sing, notwithstanding our swelling seas.

On Saturday we had wind and rain, beginning and ending almost with the work; on Monday, rain in the time of the work, and after: but the Lord's day was fair and easy; only whereas the place of the tent had been changed for the wind, from the east to the west side for the Lord's day, I found, when I was begun, a wind begin to blow directly in my face, and once or twice I found it blow into my mouth: but it was quickly laid.

I had never so much satisfaction in the household provision: for, it being as I thought quite too much, it was eaten up in serving the necessities of the Lord's people come from afar; so that one of my brethren and I had but fragments to dine upon. The elements also were near run to an end, though in part a greater provision than ever. What occasioned this pleasure in the consumpt was, that the sacrament being at Wilton and Peebles the same day, and the harvest in the low country begun, the provision appeared providential, made by the hand of Him who knew there would be need for it, that we did not think.

The house was throng: but my wife bore up well, till on the Monday she was defeat; yet in measure. One of the servants being laid by of a cholic a while, another came in her room. Some from Edinburgh, losing their way, lodged in the fields on Friday's night; whereof one, at parting, gratefully acknowledged the goodness of God to her soul in bringing her to the place, notwithstanding the difficulties met with. The horse of one from Fife ran away from our house on that night, as if he had been driven. There was no stopping him till he had gone six or seven miles; which occasioned disturbance to the owner, and to our family: however, he was got back. One of our servants having proved most uncomfortable, on Monday we were secured of another.

Thus all along I was cast down with the one hand, and raised up with the other. All things considered, the spite and rage of hell appeared never more clearly engaged against me in my work.

Upon the uncomfortableness of that servant above mentioned, and other occurrences, the world has, this season, appeared to me a most loathsome world, seeing the best as a brier, and sharper than a thorn-hedge. Considering how little we are able to endure one another, I have been made to wonder, how the Lord endures any of us, being all of us so loathsome. I have thought, that as much of the gratefulness of objects seen and heard by us, arises from this, that our eyesight and hearing are not more acute or sharp; even so, much of the comfort of society we have in the world, arises from our not being more fully acquainted. We have had several instances of persons freely taken into our family, to lodge with us freely, some for shorter, some for longer time; but have met with a continued train of ingratitude, one of them after another. There remained only one exception in that case: and now that is gone with the rest. We have no satisfaction in these things now, but in rejecting on the principle which put us on these acts of kindness, and the service they did to the parties in the time. This has been a piece of trial, which, for most of the time I have had a family, sovereign pleasure has carved out for us.

23rd September. - Having preached the action-sermon this year on John 13: 8, "If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with Me," and been led, in my subsequent sermons thereon, to show how Christ washeth sinners, I have been much convinced, that the work of sanctification is a great mystery. Yesterday, the Lord's day, being under some uneasiness, that the doctrine would not be understood, I was made to cry for the Lord's help to make known the mystery: and I hope not without success.

23rd December. - On the 15th I ended my sermons on John 13: 8, "Peter saith unto Him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with Me." In the progress whereof, as I was unexpectedly led into the consideration of the way of Christ's cleansing sinners, or washing them; so I was in that point favoured with an unordinary assistance from the Father of lights, to my own conviction. And though no doubt my deceitful heart could not receive it, without making some undue motions: yet I know I was all along ashamed of my practical unacquaintedness with the mystery; and sew the discovery was quite beyond my gift with an ordinary assistance. I was helped by Owen on the Spirit, and what I had writ last winter on the catechism, in the question of sanctification. That book of Owen's was laid to my hand, for an use I knew not till I had it. But last week, being to enter on a new subject, and sitting down to my studies on Friday, the Lord withdrew, and I stuck. The bands were kept on me Friday and Saturday forenoon; and then being satisfied to have recourse to old sermons, particularly those on Joel 3: 21, "I will cleanse the blood that I have not cleansed," etc., and having prayed in order to mandate what I was to say therefrom, it came into my mind to look to the text in the original; which done, I found the cleansing there to be legal, that is, avenging the blood; and so that I had mistaken that text when I studied these sermons on it upwards of twenty years ago. So, not daring to give that for the meaning of the Lord's word which I did not believe to be the meaning of it, I was forced to quit it. And my bands were kept on to the end. So I behoved at length to make a shift, and deliver something for sermon on Ezek. 36: 25, "Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you," etc., and was not quite deserted in the pulpit. My God, I take it kindly at Thy hand! I acknowledge my holding is of Thee; and that I am nothing, and without Thee can do nothing!

On the 29th, being the Sabbath after that foresaid, I entered on the subject of this world lying in wickedness: the which, from 1 John 5: 19, "The whole world lieth in wickedness," and 2 Cor. 6: 17, "Wherefore come out from among them," I insisted on till the summer following.

1st January 1729. - Awaking in the morning, my heart was filled with thankfulness, for that I had seen the year 1729; and I perceived an honour the Lord puts upon me, in prolonging life. It was a good morning to me; and from that time I was in a particular concern to know more of the other world; of the which, I was convinced, I had very little distinct knowledge. I look for it in the scripture only. It is an awful thought, the case of the soul on its separation.

A little before that, I had received a letter in Latin, from Professor Hamilton, bearing, that he found nothing in the essay on the accentuation contrary to the doctrine of the Reformed churches; and that it was not unworthy of the notice of the learned, in case of publication. These two things I had expressly desired of him, if he could have freedom to testify the same; and according to my desire, he gave me the letter foresaid. And now, towards the end of January, having been endeavouring, as it has often been my exercise, to compose myself to acquiesce in that essay its not seeing the light during the time of my life, by reason of my friendless circumstances in an ill-natured world, I received a letter from a friend at Edinburgh, giving a comfortable account of a very honourable testimony given to it, in conversation, by Mr. John Flint aforesaid. This filled me with thankfulness; but withal I was left to rejoice in this alone, which I found to be of good use.

Toward the end of February, I found myself so extremely weakened, that I could not see how I could be much longer able for my public work, without an assistant. But being immediately after closely engaged, in necessary work, above my ordinary, for the service of my God (drawing the presbytery's instructions to their commissioners about Mr. Simson's affair); as also before that in a congregational fast, at which I continued long; and withal lost my rest the night following: I was, from the beginning thereof, and for some time after, in batter case than for a good time before: being thus taught still to be doing, without asking questions, or with the strength I have, till the Master shall say, Stop. Let the Lord do with me what seems Him good.

This spring-season, especially in and about the month of April, was a time singularly heavy. Flocks were desolated, by an extraordinary drift, on the 24th day of March: there were scarcity of fodder, dearth of victual, general sickness, and frequent deaths; all come in upon the back of an impoverished state of the country. It made me often to reflect on what might be the design of Providence in leading to that text on the fast-day 26th February aforementioned, Ezek. 12: 23, "Say unto them, The days are at hand, and the erect of every vision." That drifty day stopt a burial appointed to have been upon it, at Kirkhop: so that the corpse behoved to be kept till another day. For about three weeks, as my study-day came about, I found myself unfitted for it, through bodily indisposition. All my children, except one, had some touch of illness; and the fever falling to my wife in the spring, came on in the first of that month of April, and continued long. On Tuesday's night, 8th April, being abed, an express came, that Isabel Biggar, a worthy person, seemed to be just a-dying; whereupon I arose, and betook myself to prayer for her, that I might not have sorrow upon sorrow; and was comforted in her case with Ps. 12: 1-4. So I laid myself to rest again, and in the morning was refreshed with the account of her being better, which I took as a sign for good in my wife's case. I have seen of late much of my being a sign to this people, having drunk first of the bitter cup. At that time there was a weighty conjuncture, seeming to point towards the dissolution of my family: My own body was in a weak condition; the Lord had distressed my family, and blown on my worldly substance; withal the eastern gable of the manse, which was built for me from the foundation twenty-one years before, was in hazard of falling; and my glebe lay desolate, without a furrow drawn or to be drawn in it, through the ruins brought upon it by the inbreaking of the brook aforementioned. This conjuncture occasioned thoughts of heart to me. But for some years past I have observed, and to this day do observe it to be a time, wherein the Lord's hand is in a special manner stretched out against His own, in their personal and domestic concerns, their bodies, relations, or substance, or all of them together, thereby filling up the want of the trials, which His people formerly had, by persecution, from the hands of men; and this while I look at home within the parish, and abroad through the land, so far as my acquaintance goes. So that it is evident, that whatever be the issue of these things, judgement is begun at the house of God.

Meanwhile the affair of the unhappy Professor Simson above mentioned, touching his subverting the fundamental doctrines of the necessary existence, independency, and supreme Deity of the Son of God, etc., which had been before several preceding general assemblies, was to be determined by the then ensuing general assembly; and I was chosen to be a member thereof, as I had been in the years 1726 and 1727, which I could not attend, in respect of my domestic circumstances, which now were as bad, if not worse. In this pinching strait, betwixt the public and my private case, I resolved to move as the Lord should be pleased to point out my way.

15th April. - My wife's case continues at an extremity. Yesterday, she having hardly as much life as to speak, I was called to Easter Buccleugh to a sick man. With difficulty I got away; and the Lord was with me there. Coming home, just at the end of the manse, I met an express, calling me to Etterick house. So having just alighted, and seen her, I went thither; and found the man agonising, and he died a little after I came away. This conduct of Providence appeared kind, though trying. On the Sabbath, I think, with difficulty she got told me, that, in her experience, none of the good things the Lord had spoken had failed: yesterday, that she was resolved never to part with Christ: at night, that she was like a bird on the side of a wall, griping with its claws. I have pleaded again, with submission, for a breathing before our sun go down.

Toward the end of that month of April, I received a long letter in Latin, from Mr. Peter Du Pont, minister of the French church at Edinburgh, impugning the essay on the accentuation; which had been put into his hands by advice of Mr. John Flint aforesaid, who declared him the said Mr. Du Pont to be the person in that place most capable to judge in the matter. Thereto I quickly made a return in Latin also. Thus was I exercised, with cold entertainment met with in that matter, at the hands of all the men of note into which the essay fell; Professor Gordon only excepted. But it could make little impression on me to the disadvantage of the thing itself; finding, that none of them but he had studied the subject, nor believed the divine authority of the accentuation.

31st May. - My wife's fever being carried off, I got in unto the assembly, on Tuesday 6th May, being the second week of their meeting: however, I had much difficulty in it, both with respect to her case and my own. By the way, I found Providence dealt favourably with me, in respect of my low circumstances, those with whom I lodged the Monday's night having, unknown to me, provided for my coming. I came just to the beginning of Mr. Simson's weighty affair; which extraordinary case could only have carried me thither in my circumstances. I waited on the assembly punctually, and on the private meeting of those against Simson at the Spread Eagle. Though the major part of the assembly were clear for deposing him, I found it necessary to propose one night to that meeting, what we should do in case it were carried against us? But they seemed not inclined to consult about that. They seemed to me to be inclined to oppose the committing of that affair to a committee, as what might tend to break us. But at length that was the issue in the assembly, to refer it to a committee to bring in an overture about it. This I opposed in the assembly; but was seconded by none but Colonel Erskine. The affair was in agitation whole eight days, managed with as great gravity as ever I was witness to in an assembly. The night before it was determined, being at the private meeting aforesaid, and observing how they were disposed, I stole away with a sorrowful heart, and left them. I went to my chamber, and there alone considered what course I was to take; and on the morning drew up a paper in short hand, to be used or not, as the case should appear to me to require. That morning I had an appointment with Professor Gordon at the Spread Eagle, at eight o'clock: and coming thither at that time, I was conveyed into that very room where the meeting aforesaid was always kept. While I waited there alone, I put the writing foresaid, being a dissent, in mundo, in long hand. And nobody at all coming near me, by the time I was done it was time for me to go to the assembly; and so I went off. Favourable and kind was that Providence, that Mr. Gordon kept not the appointment; as it was remarkable, that I behoved to come to that room for writing that dissent, where also I was left alone. In the assembly, the committee's overture was produced; the putting it to a vote was carefully guarded against, and the affair was brought to a push, by the proposing to the assembly an acquiescing: and though several had declared they were for deposition, yet all seemed, for peace's sake, to acquiesce. Finding I durst not acquiesce, I arose, and said, "I dissent, in my own name, and in name of all that shall adhere to me;" and finding nobody at all to declare their adherence, I added, "and for myself alone, if nobody shall adhere." Whereupon I was gravely accosted by the moderator to bring me off from it. And when he had done speaking, I not being satisfied, had the paper ready; and with an audible voice formally made my dissent, by reading it before them. The tenor thereof follows.

"I dissent, as judging it, inasmuch as it doth not bear a deposition of Mr. Simson from the office of the ministry, of teaching and preaching the gospel of the blessed God, to be no just testimony of this church's indignation against the dishonour done by the said Mr. Simson to our glorious Redeemer, the great God and our Saviour, and what has been found both relevant and proved against him by the two immediately preceding general assemblies; and judging the same also not to be agreeable to the rule of God's word in such cases, nor to the form of process established in this church; to be saddening to the hearts of the generality of the ministers and godly through the land, and not sufficient to dash the hopes of the proud contemners of revealed religion, and the awful and incomprehensible mysteries of the same, both at home and abroad; nor a fit means to bring the said Mr. Simson himself to repentance, whereof as yet he has given no evidence. All which shall be fully manifested to the world, if need be."

Hereupon the moderator spoke to me very pathetically; and I stood, hearing all, gravely, without answering, until he said, "Will you tear out the bowels of your mother?" Whereunto I, being sensibly touched, replied, "That if I had the conviction of that's being the tendency thereof, I would rather take it (the paper I read), and tear it in a thousand pieces." I had also before expressed my continued charity to those of my acquaintance who were for the overture. Then the marking of the dissent was proposed, and I was urged not to insist in that. I said it might be marked, and that I might afterward consider thereof, and there was still room to take it up. This was by good providence over-ruled. At length, by Prof. Hamilton's means, I obtained, that the not insisting on the marking of it for that time, should not preclude my access thereto in a subsequent diet. This was granted, and the matter ended for that time. At that time Mr. Gabriel Wilson, though not a member, craved, and obtained leave to speak, and delivered himself briefly, as follows.

"Moderator, In regard I am persuaded this sentence does not duly serve to glorify God our Saviour, nor to preserve this church upon Him as the foundation; and in regard it is no wise agreeable to the mind of the Church of Scotland, made known to this assembly; and that it will, I am afraid (or I am confident), hasten bringing wrath upon this church, - I therefore declare my testimony against it."

Culfargie also spake something, shewing his dissatisfaction with the assembly's decision: but neither was he a member. As soon as I could, I got to my chamber, to consider of my now difficult situation; and in a little time after was sent for to meet with some ministers. When I came, I found Mr. Hog, and the two Erskines, and, I suppose, some other. They began to speak of their adhering to my dissent. I thought this too precipitant, judging they should first of all have considered what was expedient for me to do in my present situation; and that the proper way for them, not being members, was, in case of my insisting, to declare their adherence after, by a writing under their hand, to be tacked to it in case of publication. So I was going away, that I might consider alone what was proper for me; but was kept; and several other ministers of the party against Mr. Simson came in, with Mr. Charles Erskine, and the Colonel. They began to direct their discourse to me, and some of them spoke with a keenness very uneasy to me. So I was obliged to tell them, that the meeting was not called by me, but I was sent for to it, and came, judging the design thereof to be a friendly consultation of what was to be done by me in my present circumstances; that what I had done, I had not done rashly; and that I was content to overhear what they should discourse among themselves on that point, and afterwards should consider of it, and regulate my conduct as I should find freedom. And then I went off to a side in the room, that they might not direct their discourse to me. So they spoke upon it, and showed they were against my insisting.

Having come to my chamber, I considered my case alone, and on the morrow morning drew up my resolution in another paper, which I determined to read to the assembly. And having caused one intimate to the moderator aforehand the nature of my resolution, that they might take no alarm at my offering to speak again, I did that day, after reading of the minutes, the house being full, crave leave to be heard, with reference to the advice given me yesterday from the chair. Which being granted, I did with an audible voice say, reading, as follows.

"Moderator, I have, according to your desire, considered again my dissenting from the sentence and decision of this Venerable Assembly in the affair of Mr. Simson: and as it was out of no design to break in upon the peace of this church, but for the necessary exoneration of my own conscience, that I did formally declare my dissent in that matter; so I can see no ground to retract it, and therefore am far from retracting the same. Yet, forasmuch as the marking of it in your records, which is the only thing that now remains in that matter, is judged by my Very Reverend Fathers and Brethren of this assembly, to be of dangerous consequence to the peace of this church, which I think myself obliged in conscience to be very tender of, I do not insist for the marking of it in your records: but having the dissent, as I declared it, by me, in writ, from which I read it before this Venerable Assembly; and having also in writing what I have now delivered, I am resolved, through grace, to make such use of the same afterward, as pressing necessity, in any undesirable event, may be judged to require."

Which said, I immediately sat down; and the assembly seemed to be well satisfied.

The conduct of Providence in this matter is wonderful in my eyes. I have seen so much of God in it, in guiding, a poor fool, who in lesser matters uses, by being hurried and straitened as to time, to be put in confusion; and so much beyond what could be the produce of my talents; that I am, in my own eyes, a deep debtor to free grace for it; and am humbled to the dust, admiring sovereign condescension, doing things by me, because He will do them; and putting that honour on me, who for several years have looked on myself as a withered branch cast over the hedge, in respect of public management: and yet He has made the withered branch to bud again. Upon reflection, I have full satisfaction as to the management of this matter, and find that word verified, Prov. 4: 12, "When thou runnest, thou shalt not stumble." Though it was an invidious appearance, in which I was left alone; yet being made out of conscience towards God, it was so ordered by Providence, that it visibly tended to my reputation, both with the one party and the other; whereof several expressions were made me. And the party against Mr. Simson saw the usefulness of it, considering it as a warning of what they are to expect who afterwards may appear for him. I was convinced, that the appearance in the matter of the act against the Marrow, had an influence in this case, on worthy brethren, with respect to me: but, on the other hand, I see as plainly, that God hereby put an honour on that appearance. As I was the alone man of the twelve engaged in that affair, that was a member of this assembly, so I was left alone in this: yet in the end of it, the second day, others found themselves obliged publicly to declare to the assembly their going the same way with me; and so, upon the matter, to adhere. What shall I say? The Lord has both spoken it, and done it: I desire to go softly all my years.

This invidious appearance, which seemed to have an ill aspect on the affair of the essay on the accentuation, had a quite contrary effect; so that, before I came from Edinburgh, the printing of it there, and publishing proposals for that erect, were moved to me, by Mr. James Davidson bookseller, and Robert Fleming printer.

Another case was before the assembly, wherein Prof. Gordon was deeply engaged: but I behoved to vote against his part of the question. I feared the eject of this also with respect to that book: but he afterward showed more readiness to do for me in that matter, than he had done for a considerable time before. And favourable was that Providence that withheld him from keeping the tryst with me above mentioned.

I met with Mr. Du Pont, who was kind and respectful exceedingly, having before received my return to his letter. I applied to Mr. John Flint, for such a testimony to the essay as Prof. Hamilton had given; and received from him a letter in Latin, dated 14th May 1729, bearing, that, under correction of the learned in the Eastern tongues, he judged the essay should be printed; and that he found nothing therein contrary to the fundamental doctrines of the Reformed religion. The innuendo in the word fundamental, was in resentment of what was called the doctrine of the Marrow. I went thereafter to Mr. Flint's house, to have represented to him my observe of the word foresaid; but he was not within: so I saw him not. And some time after, that learned and worthy man departed this life.

Saturday the 17th, being the first free day to me, I had a conversation with Professor Hamilton; who ingenuously declared to me his satisfaction with what we called the deed of gift, and his conviction that the gospel could not be preached without it; and this of his own accord. The same day the making and publishing of proposals for printing the essay on the accentuation, was moved to me. What determined me to hearken to that motion was, that, after the business of the dissent, a gentleman unknown to me, or I to him, bid an acquaintance of mine tell me, that if I had anything to publish, he might have notice, and would be an undertaker. Which being so timed, served much to encourage me in that matter.

Finding Professor Gordon slow in performing his promise, viz. of writing in favour of that essay, either by way of preface or simple testimony to it, or of epistle to me, I had, in consideration of my own frailty, desired of him, that he would in the meantime give me a testimony to it, in as few lines as he pleased; engaging myself to return the same unto him, when he should have at his leisure written as aforesaid: but, to my great mortification, I could not obtain that of him. However, at this time, meeting with him, I desired him now to set himself to perform his promise: the which also he was pleased to shew himself ready to do, seeming inclined to write a preface; the which I was most earnest for. And for that cause, at his desire, he got the MS. along with him to Aberdeen, to be returned in the following November: he got also the essay on the text of Genesis along with him at the same time.

I came home from Edinburgh on Wednesday, 21st May; and found my family, by the mercy of God, no worse than when I left them. I found a cough, and a pain in my back, which had fallen to me in the spring, both of them worse; and I was under great indisposition for about ten days after. By that pain in my back, it was with great difficulty that I could change my sitting posture into an erect one. It had been carried to that height, by means of the extreme long seats we had got at the assembly in Professor Simson's affair. This was a new weight hung at me, under the aforementioned kind appearances of Providence for me. I remember I had something of that nature, after I came home from Edinburgh at the ending of the affair of Closeburn. But having, as soon as I could, applied myself to business, I ended the work on the covenant of grace, consisting of 485 pages in 4to, upon the 14th day of June. Going to prayer, I gave thanks, as I was able, for life and strength allowed me for it; offered it to God through Jesus Christ; begged it might be accepted of Him, brought forth, and employed for the service of my God; preserved and blessed while I live, and when I am dead and gone; withal wondering at the divine condescension, in calling me to preach the gospel, and write.

This summer the easter gable of the manse aforesaid was taken down so far as was judged necessary, and rebuilt. And by this means the course of administering the sacrament in the parish was interrupted this year: the people being withal straitened for victual to maintain their families, that I could not find in my heart to burden them with the strangers resorting to them on such occasions in great numbers. When it was considered in the session, before the summer came on, it was declared, that it would be hard to get as much hay or straw in the parish as to make beds for strangers; which touched me to the heart, on their account.

Having, on 15th June, ended my sermons on this world lying in wickedness, I was inclined to proceed to treat of the other world: but finding the people crushed in their substance, I was desirous also to handle something with relation to such circumstances. And, by the good hand of God, I was led to Mark: 10: 30, "He shall receive an hundred fold now in this time, houses, etc. and in the world to come eternal life." This, answering both any intentions, I entered upon, 22nd June, and for three or four Sabbaths insisted on the first part of the text, with a view to their worldly losses.

29th July. - Last week I was at the sacrament in Galashiels. Mr. Davidson was loaded with bodily indisposition, having that work on his hand. The trial was carried to a height, by rain falling, while he, sore broken, preached the action-sermon. But from the time the action began, it cleared, and continued a good day; and he was furnished both with bodily strength and otherwise. I clearly perceived, that God put an honour upon him by that trial: O that I could perceive at that rate in my own case! On the Monday before, I reached the explication of my text. On the Tuesday I stuck, and could do nothing. But on the Wednesday and Thursday I got forward, and had laid to my hand so much more than I designed, that I cried to the Lord for strength to deliver it, since He had given it: and accordingly I got it abundantly. At the table I saw, that as soon as I should drop the tabernacle of my body, I would be fully satisfied as to the conduct of Providence in the matter of my long trial in my wife's case.

While at Galashiels, I received from Edinburgh a printed specimen of the essay on the accentuation; which I found not well done, as to the Hebrew. However, looking on that essay as thus beginning to move into the world, though afterward it stopt, my courage began to fail: wherefore I was fain to betake myself to the way of trusting in the Lord, for support, under the view of its appearing in the world. But the iron gate in its way was not as yet to be opened.

About the same time I entered on the subject of the other world, upon which I insisted for more than a year, from several texts.

After ending the work on the covenant of grace, filled up more of the passages of my life. Turning my thoughts to what I should fix on next, and only two things of that kind now lying before me, viz., the notes on personal and family fasting, mentioned above, and proceeding in the essay on the Hebrew text, I gave myself to prayer on that head, on Monday morning, 4th August, remembering how I smarted for my rash adventuring on the explication of a part of the catechism: but I was not cleared. On the 5th, I renewed my addresses to God on that head; and was determined to the former, from a conviction of the necessity of a memorial on that subject to be presented to saints and sinners, and that I could not find myself easy to apply to the other work while that lay undone, and that some notice had been lately given me of people's desire that I would publish more of my sermons. I found the notes unsatisfying; but judged the revising of them might be of use to my own posterity, if no further use was to be made thereof. So I begun it that 5th of August.

Toward the end of that month, I had two fits of the gravel; and in the beginning of September, much pain of the toothache. And about the middle of the month last mentioned, I observed, that not only my head shook; but my legs and whole body began to shake also. But death by that time was become somewhat familiar to me. However, at the writing hereof, near about a year after, all that shaking is very moderate.

8th September. - Often has it been my lot, but never more perhaps than yesterday, being the Lord's day, to cover the altar with tears, going to my work with a bowed-down back; being like to sink in the pulpit, through heaviness occasioned by one of my domestics. Wounded by that hand some days before, on Saturday's night there was an addition that carried it much deeper. The pain of the toothache, whereof for some time I have had a touch every night, trysting with that vexation, I lost my rest that night. I see the folly of it now, and that I must be resigned, laying all down at the Lord's feet; that I must let one gripe go after another, and gripe unto God as my God for all. I have often thought of that holy Providence which made Heman, who was a man of great affliction, a singer in the temple-service; and have observed how the Lord has made up to me the want of public persecution, by domestic trials.

Being minded to have gone to Leadhills, 19th August, with Mr. Wilson, to wait on Mr Wightman, for concerting measures about the publishing of the essay on the accentuation, I inclined to have, for my health and refreshment, taken a tour through the country for about ten days: but this last I could not obtain with good-will, which proved a great temptation to me. The journey was providentially balked for altogether, though Mr. Wilson came hither. Meanwhile, that week, I was seized with two fits of the gravel: I returned on the Wednesday from convoying Mr. Wilson homeward again with a severe one of them upon me; took another of them on Saturday's night. The hand of the Lord was eminent in both; the one being owing to drink' the other to meat, unfit for my stomach. Thus both my wife and I were reproved; I for my yielding to the temptation, and she having me at home with little comfort.

Last week, beginning to drive heavily in the work now on my hand, I again and again took my notes, laid them before the Lord, and prayed over them. And it was not in vain.

15th September. - I have lately had a notable help in three things in my case, from three scriptures. One was Jer. 1. 7, rightly read according to the pointing: whence I observed, that it is one of God's methods for His people's correction, that there shall be no convincing of those who wrong them, so as to own a fault. The other was a certain passage in Job 13: and the last in Job 19: By the two last I had a great deal of ease last week: and to this day, 29th November, I find a thorn taken out of my foot by them, which has often been very uneasy.

For two nights past, the toothache has ceased: but the shaking of my head, legs, and, I think, my whole body, makes me somewhat apprehensive of a sudden downfalling in the palsy, which may either carry me off quickly, or make me a heavy time bedfast. But I desire still to be doing, till my God shall bid me cease; leaving these and all other events in His hand, whose are all my ways.

1st October, Wednesday. - On Sabbath last was the sacrament at Maxton. From the time I heard of it, I had desired of the Lord a message for it; but remained unfixed till the time of setting to. I was under great heaviness, through various burdens lying upon me; so that I lost the night's rest, Friday and Saturday was eight days. Whence I was, on the Lord's day, but in ill case for my work; but was honourably carried through. On the Monday therefore I laid aside thoughts of study; only I fixed on my text, Rom 6: 6, "Knowing that our old man is crucified with Him," etc. being, as usual now for some years, led thereto for my own case. On the Tuesday I began to study, but presently stuck; cut out what I had written, and began a second time; but stuck again: it would not do. That was to me a most weary day, being deeply plunged, my burdens lying heavy on me, and God deserting me. So being exhausted, I had thoughts of using old notes. Awaking on the morrow, I found my strength gone. When I was ready, I just sat down, for clearing my conscience to use old notes, to make a third essay: and so cut out again, and began a third time, putting pen to paper with almost no hope at all of proceeding, or being able to reach it. But it pleased the Lord to loose my bands in some measure: so I went on; and was enabled also to do something at night, which now is not usual with me. That night sleep fled from me again. But necessity urging, I fell to my studies again on the morrow; but stuck again, and could not command, what the night before had occurred for explaining our old man's being crucified with Christ. It pleased the Lord to loose me again in some measure, so that I had done all before dinner. And the Lord having thus pitied, I grew easy under my burdens. At Stanton the Lord was very gracious to me. I slept well the two first nights. I cried to Him that He would help me clearly and distinctly to utter the mystery, so as I myself might apprehend it, and the hearers also: for I saw myself in hazard of confusion in it. He graciously heard me, and to my own feeling gave me that request. After serving three tables on the Sabbath, I went away and refreshed myself; returned, and served another. But at the close of the communion-work, I found myself quite exhausted; no strength left, being to preach the afternoon-sermon. I was convinced it was neither meat nor drink that would strengthen me; so I went in to the barn at the end of the town, a few minutes, and there I desired of the Lord strength for His own work; and trusting in Him for it, I got it in an uncommon measure, together with the clearness and distinctness above mentioned. It lasted with me that night after the work. But in bed I awaked out of sleep, pained with a fit of a colic or gravel, and so spent much of the night drinking warm water, and vomiting; but it was indeed gentler than such fits use to be at home.

That moment wherein I shall have drops this tabernacle, has of a considerable time been much in my view, as that wherein the soul shall find either sin left in it without remedy, or totally abolished: therefore, at the table, I endeavoured, among other things, to get faith strengthened with respect to that moment, by the seal of the covenant.

While there, I had a comfortable account of the acceptance and usefulness of the Fourfold State, in remote places, particularly in the highlands; which filled me with thankfulness. Also I found, that others of the Lord's ministers and people have sore trials as well as I; and several of them sorer trials. I would therefore, if I could, sit down more quietly under mine.

I see God puts a great honour on me, and therefore razeth me off mine own bottom, and empties me, that I see, that what He does good with to others, by me, is not mine, but His own: and He will love me to acknowledge it. Lord, I do from my heart acknowledge it, and on the banded knees of my soul!

When, upon my return from Maxton, I began to apply myself to my present business, what lay before me was the direction concerning personal covenanting. This particularly I entered on, and proceeded in, with much fear and trembling. Wherefore I did oft and again take my notes, spread them before the Lord, and pray over them, for light into that matter: and it was not in vain.

About this time, having begun to suspect the business of the publishing of the essay on the accentuation was like to be at a stand, the printer who first moved it to me seeming to have lost his disposition for it, I was confirmed therein by a letter of 15th October, and thereafter by my son, who had seen him. What has moved him, I cannot yet learn. But I was very easy on that event, laying it at the Lord's feet, trusting on Him, that He who brought it to me, will see to it in His own time. And upon this state of that affair, a second tryst with Mr. Wightman was given up by me.

Meanwhile, being in Buccleugh 29th October, at a diet of catechising, Mr. J. G. on his journey to London came to me, and staying all night with me there, made very kind proposals of good offices in London, with respect to that and other performances of mine. This was the more comfortable to me, and bore the more of the signature of divine conduct in my eyes, that it fell out quite unexpectedly at such a nick of time; and that the Lord had made him the means off bringing that essay first of all out of its utter obscurity, by his bringing me acquainted with Mr. Gordon.

On Tuesday, 11th November, I finished the memorial concerning personal and family fasting, begun 5th August, and consisting of 149 pages; and laid it before the Lord for acceptance through Jesus Christ, and a blessing thereupon. Having had a severe cold these two days, and been in a sweat Tuesday's night, I was in doubt whether to keep the appointed diet of catechising at Calcrabank on the Wednesday, or not: but I was determined to go, through one's coming to me that morning from the parish of Yarrow, with a line, to get his child baptised there. So I went off, and my cold was no worse. But being come home again that night, I was seized with a severe fit of the gravel; in which, vomiting up at length some blackish matter, I was deeply impressed with a view of the loathsomeness of this body, bearing the image of the earthly first Adam, and what it must come to by means of death, till it be reduced to dust again; out of which it is to be reformed after the image of the heavenly man, the second Adam, far removed for ever from that corrupt constitution. The day had been very bad; and this season I have not hitherto had one good day on that occasion; but I have had a sort of pleasure and satisfaction in enduring these little hardships, for my Master and His work's sake.

After I had finished the memorial aforesaid, considering that I lead now no more of that kind of work in view, I gave myself to set matters in order for my departure out of this world. On the 15th, I prepared the errata of the second edition of the Fourfold' State, which was published about that time; and that day eight days, letters for Edinburgh and London, sending to Mr. G. then at London, a copy of the title and index of the Latin essay. And on the 16th, being the Lord's day, I finished my sermons on Mark 10: 30, relating to the other world. And that very night I received a letter for the burial of Mr. Robert Lithgow, minister of Ashkirk, in whose ordination, anno 1711, I had been actor. He was a worthy brother; and though one of the first jurors, yet now for many years kept his integrity in other things. He was a faithful, serious, and moving preacher, having a great insight into the doctrine of the gospel; a judicious, pious man, endowed with an uncommon measure of ingenuity. Every day thereafter, till Friday, my study-day, I was obliged to ride, on occasion of my work in the parish. On Saturday, I wrote the letters already mentioned. I was resolved also to have sent Mr. G., as he had desired, a copy of the Everlasting Espousals, and of the Mystery of Christ in the Form of a Servant: but calling for the former in the house, found one copy was lent away, and another could not be fallen on; which I embraced as a providential stop to the design he had in view, which was to get some person of note there to recommend them, and so to print them over again there; thus to bring me acquainted in England. And having, on the Monday, prepared my sermon for the thanksgiving on Wednesday the 26th, I had no opportunity till this day, 25th November, to review matters since my return from Maxton. The Sabbath day was exceeding bad; so that I could hardly be sure to get the notice of the thanksgiving through the parish timely. But the Lord heard prayer, and pitied, and gave a comfortable day and meeting on Wednesday.

Adam Linton in Brodgerhill, his wife, and son, being all together in great distress, and I being concerned for them both in public and private, I sent them word, that I would willingly visit them, if it might be accepted, they being followers of Mr. Macmillan. But word was returned me, that it could not be accepted on any entreaties. Now Adam himself is deceased. But these people will neither live nor die with us. O my soul, come not thou into their secret in the matter of church-communion! unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united, in point of separation!

In pursuit of my former design, I did, on 27th November, prepare, and on the 28th draw up, a memorial for my wife, in case of her surviving me, concerning the assignation; and some directions relative to my dead body. And that very night the reparations of the manse, which had been begun by the masons, and carried on by the slater, were completed by the wright. The meeting together of so many various events of a different aspect about this time, made a strange conjuncture, confirming, in that I was called to make ready for my removal, and yet still to be doing till my Lord bid me stop. As for the state of my body, my teeth remained in number as before, but less useful. For much of a year, I read my chapters in the morning with preserves; but hitherto have not made ordinary use of them otherwise. However, I think I find my eyes begin to fail sensibly. Nevertheless I have ordinarily this season read something every night; finding myself in better case for it than some years before. Particularly I am reading over the essay on the Hebrew text, to mark the texts of the Pentateuch therein occasionally expounded, if so be that I be allowed to return to that study. And this day, 1st December, I completed the filling up of the passages of my life to that date. Meanwhile, though I have ended my discourse on the text of the world to come, I am entered on another text relative to the same subject, viz. Ps. 26: 9, "Gather not my soul with sinners," intended for the use of the former doctrine.

5th December, Friday. - On Tuesday the 2nd instant I kept a secret fast, in order to my preparation for death. The night before, apprehending I would not be able to go through that work all at once, I resolved to pursue it, though on different days. And having begged of God, that He would raise me up in the morning timely, even about six o'clock, I did accordingly rise long before day. And after my ordinary devotions, addressing myself to that work, in order to a review of my sins, I read some scriptures, two written confessions, one drawn thirty-three years ago, another thirty, both which I have kept in shorthand characters, as also the larger catechism on what is required and forbidden in the Ten Commands; then thought on my ways in the several periods of my life, and in the order of the Ten Commands; by all which means I got a humbling sight of myself. Then bowing my knees before the Lord, I did silently read over the two confessions before Him: which done, I prayed, and made confession of my sins as fully and particularly as I could; and there I got a view of my whole life as one heap of vanity, sin, and foolishness. It appeared a loathsome life in my eyes, so that my very heart said, "I loathe it; I would not live always;" and I loathed myself on the account of it. It cut to the heart to think of it, and cut off desire of returning to it, if that had been possible. But such as I was, I behoved to look again towards His temple. After confession made, minding to renew my acceptance of God's covenant of grace, to write it also, and subscribe it with my hand, I viewed two former ones, the one dated 14th August 1699, the other 25th March 1700, and drew up a new one. The former were drawn according to the more dark views I then had of the covenant of grace; and the substance and intent thereof I believe God did accept, and I adhere to, though I do not desire the form of them to be imitated. The acceptance being written, I went through the whole of it, examining myself upon every point thereof; and finding a particular difficulty in the point of submitting my lot, I had the testimony of my conscience, afterwards to be mentioned, which coming clear before my eyes, eased me. These things, intermixed with prayer, being done, I went, and kneeling at my bedside, did, in prayer, then and there, solemnly, and in express words, according to what I had written with my hand, take hold of God's covenant of grace, for life and salvation to me, with my whole heart, without known guile; and rising up from prayer, I stood, and lifting up my eyes to the Lord, I silently read before Him the acceptance I had wr